Codependency | Relationship Issues
Do you constantly worry what other people think about you and find yourself relentlessly criticizing yourself after social interactions? Do you find it incredibly difficult to tell people how you really feel or express your disappointment, for fear they will dislike you, or even leave you? Or perhaps confrontation with others feels terrifying and you will do anything to avoid conflict.
It is quite common as children, that a fair few of our emotional needs aren't met by our caregivers. However, when our early experiences with our caregivers are also fraught with persistent conflict, misattunement, ruptures in trust, or emotional neglect, we react to these distressing encounters by developing beliefs, feelings and behaviors to help us maintain safety within these relationships, and minimize mental and emotional pain. When these responses occur for an extended period of time, they become habitual in nature and often manifest as self-doubt, low self-worth, people-pleasing, and conflict- avoidance.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi
When we can reflect on our stories within the context of a therapeutic relationship, we are given the opportunity to become conscious of and gain insight around our adaptive thinking patterns and behaviors. With more self-awareness, understanding, and compassion, there is greater potential for us to disentangle from the grip of these mechanisms. And this is when we may begin to find it easier to create and set clear boundaries, communicate our needs to others, and trust ourselves.
Common issues associated with codependency and relationship issues:
Adult children of emotionally immature parents
Attachment trauma
People-pleasing
Conflict-avoidance
Difficulty expressing anger
Self-criticism
Self-doubt
Inadequacy & Low self-worth
It is my earnest belief that we transform our pain and heal best in the context of a trusting relationship. In the words of Jon Frederickson ~ “In therapy we discover that we heal through relating, for the wounds that occurred in relationships must be healed in a relationship.”